THE ANSWER TO ENDING SCHOOL SHOOTINGS

 A year ago I was asked to do some research and write an article about the answer to ending school shootings. With kids returning to school next month I thought this would be a good time to revisit my findings....       

                 With the increasing school shootings coupled with fatalities, there has been increasing talk of the need for gun control. At the time of this article, the United States has reached a count of 23 reported school shootings for 2018 with the last one reported for May 25, 2018 in Noblesville, Indiana at Noblesville West Middle School. As our society searches for an answer to ending these tragedies (and whether gun control is the answer), it’s important to look at when these occurrences began.

                The infamous Columbine shootings of 1999 have been credited with influencing subsequent school shootings. However, the massacre that inspired the making of movies as well as songs about one of the victims, Cassie Bernall, was not the first school shooting or school massacre.

                The New York Times probably reported the first campus massacre that took place on August 1, 1966 in Austin, Texas. A 25-year-old engineering student, Charles Whitman, carried an arsenal of weapons to the top of the 27-story tower on the University of Texas campus and shot 12 people to death and wounded approximately 33 others before the police killed him. He was stated to be an ex-Marine. It might be of some significance to know that he left notes after he murdered his mother and wife (one with each of their bodies). These murders preceded his massacre on the college campus. These notes indicated he had questions about his mental state. A quote of interest from those letters is, “I imagine it appears that I brutally killed both of my loved ones. I was only trying to do a quick thorough job...If my life insurance policy is valid please pay off my debts...donate the rest anonymously to a mental health foundation. Maybe research can prevent further tragedies of this type...” He requested that an autopsy be performed on his body after his death for any abnormalities.

                Findings also show that there was a report of a massacre that took place in 1976. The California State University, Fullerton massacre resulted in seven deaths and two injuries.

                Most people may not realize that the United States has a long history of reported school shootings dating back to the 1800s and the occurrences weren’t so infrequent as some might think. Some incidents resulted in deaths, while some only resulted in injuries. In other cases, there were no tragedies. It’s interesting to note that with recent discussions regarding arming teachers or other school officials, some of the murders in early history were committed by school personnel. One such example took place on February 6, 1864. The Ashland Times reported that George W. Longfelt, the school teacher of the Pyfer's School House, near Ashland County in Ohio, shot and killed a student, Alfred Desem, at the school house and escaped. At the time of the report there was no information given for the cause of the murder.

                There have been reported cases of self-defense claims by school officials. The Los Angeles Herald reported an account that took place on September 11, 1909 in Gravette, Arkansas, at the edge of McDonald County, Missouri. A. T. Kelly reportedly killed his student, John Bufram, at Bear Hollow School. Claims were made that Butram announced that school would not be in session that day to other students, but Kelly insisted that school would continue as usual. During the discussion Butram pulled a knife and reportedly injured two teachers; Kelly shot him. Kelly surrendered to authorities. Another self-defense incident took place in 1918 at a dormitory in Jefferson City, MO. However, this tragedy took place between two school officials who were arguing over which dishes to use for a social (see The Kansas City Sun, Volume 10, Number 32).

                Some children have always managed to have access to a gun. There are repeated cases in early history where students were playing with a gun and it accidently fired or another student purposely brought a gun to school and murdered another because they were arguing over a girl. Bullying has also been the cause for school shootings. The Richmond, Virginia Daily Dispatch reported that on January 21, 1860, a son of Colonel Elijah Sebree, of Todd County, Kentucky, was killed by another student at a school house in Trenton, TN. Some boys made another student believe that son Sebree was threatening him and intended to kill him; it was a joke. However, the other student didn’t know it was a joke. This day the assumed victimized student took possession of a gun, walked up to Sebree in the schoolhouse and shot him.

                It’s been stated that the Columbine shootings redefined the actions that took place April 20, 1999 as more than a statement of revenge. It was stated to be a means of protest for bullying, intimidation, social isolation, and public rituals of humiliation. Perhaps perpetrators in subsequent school shootings romanticized the 1999 mission. Findings show that the school shootings that occur today due to tempers, accidents, mental illness, revenge, and other reasons known and unknown, are a repeat of what has occurred for centuries. Perhaps Columbine has just brought all 21st century school shootings to the forefront regardless of the weight of their tragedies because of our increase in knowledge—more media, internet, and smart phones. With all this knowledge we are still divided on the answer to ending the school tragedies.

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B.O.S.S. (Better-Off-Staying-Single) Mentality

“I wish I could be married to more than one woman at a time.” “Do you need a man to make more money than you?” “You should let me give you a baby. Every woman needs to have at least one child.” “Why haven’t you been married? You put career first?” “You seem like you would give a man problem.” “You make me think too hard…I don’t want to think that hard.” “You’re stubborn.” “You should just let a man save face—even though you know he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” “There’s nothing wrong with a woman being the one to take care of a man.”

             These are just some of the statements or questions that have been directed to me by men. Considering I heard all these words for the first time after the age of 30 I was taken back a bit because I thought men in the same age group had their heads in a different place. Now if you’re reading this and want to jump down my throat about that statement—hold up! I know that not all men are the same. However, these words reflect the caliber of men that have crossed my path. Also, I have heard some people say that you attract what you are. I believe that we need to stop making this statement to women whom we don’t know—we don’t truly know what or WHO they are. “You attract what you are” sounded good when someone first said it and so we just keep repeating it without truly dissecting it for all cases.

            There is ancient text that tells us to believe the best of everyone—it is one of the qualities of “love in action.” However, I have had to learn to “stop” giving men the benefit of the doubt when I see repetitive negative patterns. Those of us who are always ready to believe the best more easily than others tend to be mistaken for naïve when in actuality we are very aware of what we see and just too nice to drop the axe more quickly, thinking “surely they won’t do xyz again.” In the past, the problem with me has been that when the axe finally dropped you didn’t want to stick around to see me recover it from the wood. There is something to be said about men (or any person for that matter) that will take and take, lie and lie and then become shocked because they thought you were oblivious the whole time and now wondering what your rage is about. You just encountered a tea kettle that was boiling over time and finally hit a high-pitch whistle!

            After stepping into full time entrepreneurship, a year ago, I have found that I have less time and less energy to care how the opposite sex perceives me. So, I give less thought now than in the past to my singleness.  Would I love to be in a relationship that leads to marriage? Of course, I would. However, like the saying goes, “I can do bad all by myself.” I don’t need to subject myself to any “pretend” relationships for the sake of saying, “I have a man” or hearing fake flattery. Also, just know that you will never hear me say I am, “better off staying single.” I just know from the long-standing relationships I have witnessed up close how things should be between a man and woman. The drama and befoolery I have personally encountered with men—ain’t it.

Lesson From A Broken Plate

 There I stood, heartbroken over the plate that was shattered on the floor with the two cakes of turkey sausage and two whole grain waffles with maple syrup and a fork positioned just underneath the food. I was just about to make my way out of the kitchen to introduce these babies to my tongue. The microwave door was open and followed by the unintentional slamming of the door went the crash of my well-prepared plate I had positioned too close to the edge of the counter. Why didn’t I listen to the prompting to move that plate back? I do not do the 3-second rule and this was beyond salvaging. I stood there for what seemed like eternity frozen just gazing at the mess. I had gotten so far in years with this set of plates and had never broken a plate in the set. “You can stand here forever looking at what’s broken or you can move on,” is what I heard. Is not that just like life? Sometimes the things that are most fragile in life get broken. Whether we cause the brokenness or not, there can be casualties in life with relationships, our emotions, our jobs, how we process life, etc.

Mentally, you can forever stay in one place looking at the brokenness in your life, or you can move on with what you have and position yourself for restoration. Which is it going to be for you?

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Do You Know When You've Been Served?

When I quiet my thoughts, remember that God’s knowledge & wisdom is infinite, and mine is not, or that even though God made me in His image "an image" is never greater that the One after which it is fashioned, it is in those moments that I can humble myself. In humbling, I will not get lost in the "whys" but allow magnification of the favor given.

My afternoon did not turnout in any way that I had expected. I "thought" my afternoon was going to be spent serving others but instead I found myself being the one served. On my way to "serve" smoke started coming from under the hood of my car coupled with my "check engine temp" light. My mind wanted to risk driving on but the "sane" me said, "Don't be stupid." Therefore, I reached a point where I could pull over and check under the hood to see what was going on. Of course, because I am a car technician, I knew exactly what I was seeing. Yeah, right. Not at all, I just saw smoke coming from the engine. Standing there pondering what to do, I saw the Firestone only about one block from where I was. In addition, coincidently (so I thought at the time) my sister’s street was the next street over from where I had stopped my car. A woman pulled up, “Do you need me to call a tow truck for you?” This woman explained that she had passed me by and she said God told her to come back. With it being the holidays and how the minds of people are now days, she was hesitant to come back. Long story short, I left my car there and she ended up driving me over to my sister’s house so I could determine what I was going to do. Just as I was about to call the Firestone to see how late they were open and if they could fit me in, my sister drove up in her driveway. I know she was tired; she had just been out grocery shopping. Nevertheless, she took time to take me back to my car and trail me the short distance over to Firestone. Where normally I would have had to sit at the shop for servicing on my car I was able to stay at my sister’s house until my car was ready less than about a 3-minute drive from her house. The people found the “costly problem” I had and got my car repaired.

Things could have been a lot worst. No one abandoned me. I did not spend my afternoon trying to get a tow and transportation for myself. I don’t know the “why” to how my afternoon was spent but I’m glad that God allowed me to see the favor in how everything I needed was placed right at my feet. Today, a stranger, my sister, and a car service shop served me...even if the service shop did require my money. Seriously, they could have been over-booked for that time of the day. When I humble myself and keep perspective, I can more clearly see what is important.

Hair Loss Led Me To Find My Hair Peace

I wear a hairpiece and I bet you can’t tell! Millions of women suffer from hair loss in silence, forced to wear bad wigs or pay huge sums of money for clearly detectable hair replacements. Too many women don’t know that there are better options for them. Options that look and feel natural. Options that allow you to go about your daily business as you did before you experienced hair loss.  I was one of those women. I know all too well the emotional hardship of losing my hair and not knowing what to do about it, but that all changed once I met a lady that transformed my life. Her name is Sherri Thomas. To truly understand this woman’s impact on my life you first need to know what led me to find her.

I was a young woman in her prime when I was stricken with an unexplained scalp infection rendering me with permanent hair loss across the top of my head. There are few things more devastating to a woman than learning that you can no longer grow the beautiful hair for which you have spent your whole life caring.  After close to a year of self-treatments, because the dermatologists had no answers for me, my scalp finally healed and I began to wear wigs.  Over the course of about 5 years I spent a lot of money on wigs and they always seemed to look better on the heads in the stores than on my head at home.  I invested boatloads of money in a well-known hair replacement company for weekly laser scalp treatments; did not work.  I bought an online at home laser scalp treatment gadget; did not work. The financial burden of constantly replacing bad wigs was putting a strain on my bank account, but it paled in comparison to the toll on my emotional bank. The pain of knowing that I didn’t have real options to cover up my head was always on my mind. I could not escape the thoughts of being seated in a crowd and someone accidently causing my wig to shift or worst someone snatching my wig off. Oh the horror! Think about not being able to just answer a simple knock at the door, or order room service when traveling, or run outside to get the mail before pausing to turn that door knob because you’ve forgotten to cover your head.

Once I tried a braided wig for Zumba

Your mind plays tricks on you when you’re hiding a secret and you know you are not hiding it well. I even gave up Zumba parties (which I loved) because Zumba gets hot…fast and when you get hot you sweat. Let’s just say that attempting to cover a sweaty bald slippery scalp while jumping around to energetic Zumba beats don’t mix. The last time I went to Zumba I wore a scarf and I got so heated that my scarf started slipping, almost revealing my bald spot. Although I caught it before anyone noticed, I was so embarrassed over what could have happened. That ended my attendance at Zumba parties. Some people say, “It’s easy. Just cut it all off.” It’s funny that it is always someone with hair that gives that recommendation. It’s easy to say that for people who still have their hair. Going bald wasn’t me. I wasn’t connected to my inner Grace Jones. I couldn’t just become this “bold, bald black woman.” I wanted hair. People can be mean too. I once had to endure two female co-workers pretending to get something out of my hair when actually they were trying to determine if I was wearing a wig. I allowed them to think I was naïve and didn’t know what they were doing, but what I wanted to do was head butt them both in the lower lip. It’s amazing what we as women do to each other.

After years of suffering my answer came in the form of junk mail of all places. One man’s junk mail is another woman’s Godsend. I was looking through a packet of mailer advertisements the ones I normally throw away, and one of the advertisements caught my eye. I recall pictures of balding women. Women like me! Women losing their hair for all sorts of reasons. I immediately stopped flipping through the ads and took notice. The House of Raw Elegance Salon, 2955 Patterson Rd., Florissant, Missouri. The ad mentioned hair replacements with no gluing or braiding. I was curious, “how is this possible?” No glue. No braids. I loved the sound of that. Glue is icky and braids have the potential to break or pull out what hair I had left. I didn’t want any part of either of those things, but the possibilities sounded too good to be true, and we all know what they say about things that sound too good to be true. It was about to hit the trash. Then I noticed looking up at me the words free private consultation. The magic word was private. Free is a good word too, but the idea of being able to speak with someone about my problem in private without the fear and pressure of other salon onlookers was a major thing. I must say the thought of a private free consultation was the main reason I made an appointment and I’m glad I did.



Before receiving my handcrafted piece

Fast forward to the evening of my appointment. I arrived at House of Raw Elegance salon in Florissant, MO and from the moment I walked in, I knew this was not “just a beauty shop” this was truly a business that cares about their individual clients. I felt welcomed and at home like no other hair salon/beauty shop to which I’d ever been.  The mother of the owner of the salon, Sherri Thomas, greeted me at the door and showed me around pointing out pictures of hairstyles, hair shows, and fashion shows Sherri had done. There was a framed feature article from the Post-Dispatch about her earlier days as wig-master. There were mannequins on display resting on podiums adorned with Sherri Thomas custom handmade wigs. There were two separate sections, a salon for general hair styling clients and a barbershop for men. After giving me the grand tour I was escorted to the private room where all the magic happens. That’s when I finally met the one and only—Ms. Sherri Thomas. As I entered the private room I was struck by the array of impressive licenses and certifications that embellished the wall. This lady is the real deal. Sherri is a Licensed Cosmetologist, a Licensed Instructor in the state Missouri and California, a certified Wig Master (from London), a Trichologist, and a Non-Surgical Hair Replacement expert. To add to all of that, she also volunteers her services to the American Cancer Association’s Feel Good Look Better Program for suffering cancer patients. Sherri understands the struggles of hair loss and battling cancer because she herself is battling pituitary cancer. That may be why she was so pleasantly down to earth, warm and hospitable. She was never pushy. Never selling.  It was clear to me that she was more than just a cosmetologist. I felt at ease. I have never felt so comfortable removing my wig for someone. No shame. No judgment. I’d found a new freedom. She started the consultation and assessment of my issue. She

 asked me about my hair loss and the services I was interested in. This is very important! She actually listened to what my desires were. She explained alternatives and what the long-term requirements would be for the different options. For my needs it would be a closure for my bald area. I could be done with whole wigs. For me that meant not having to grab a wig before going out to the mailbox, answering the door, or taking off a wig before bed. I could go Zumba it up in public without the need for a head covering. And with a Sherri Thomas custom closure and her patented application system I could leave it in place until my next visit.  Oh, and I can’t forget that Sherri is a national Health Care provider which means she can take care of your hair loss needs through your health insurance. She also has in-house financing available. After everything I’d been through, I knew this was what I needed. There was no need to look further. We finalized my order that night. She took measurements, and made a mold of my bald area. We chose hair, the length, and talked styles. Sherri explained that due to how she creates her custom hairpieces they can be styled how ever you like. Just like your natural hair. I made my down payment and left filled with expectation and excitement. It took several weeks for her to craft the handmade customized one of a kind piece and I waited anxiously like a young child waiting Christmas morning. And then the day came and after 6 long years of enduring private emotional pain and turmoil, Sherri gave me my “hair peace” and I emerged from that private room a whole new woman. My hair was beautiful and for the first time in years I felt comfortable and confident. It was the beginning of the new me and over the years since I started seeing Sherri not only has my hair and scalp health improved so has my self-esteem and willingness to get out into the world and mix it up.  Let’s just stay, Stella got her groove back!


Now you understand why I believe so much in this St. Louis County treasure that so many women suffering with hair loss know nothing about? She doesn’t just do this as a business, she actually identifies with the women she helps and runs a true business that caters and cares for those women. Ladies out there…men with moms, sisters, wives and girlfriends who’ve suffered hair loss hear me when I say that I am so grateful that I discovered Ms. Sherri Thomas and her unique services. As a woman suffering from hair loss she has given me my life back in so many ways. And that is my wish for every woman suffering from hair loss, that they discover their own Sherri Thomas and find their own personal hair peace. Once you find peace with your hair situation you will not be disappointed in how your life will open up again. Please seek out help. There are options available. You too can have your own hair peace.

Sherri Thomas, Tricologist Wig Master, House of Raw Elegance Salon, 2955 Patterson Rd., Florissant, Missouri, 63031 – (314) 299-8926, www.Hrehairsolutions.com